Return of the Cube
by I'm a Frooping Dinosaur
Summary: They thought that the C Cube had left human hands; that it wasn't a threat anymore. They were wrong. Now it's a race against time to reclaim it before the technology is unveiled. HUGE rewrite of "the treasure map". I mean HUGE.


**Right off the bat here, I'd like to apologize for the crimes against literature previously committed in this fic. It wasn't me, see my profile for more information, if you actually care. Anyway, I feel like I'm obligated to carry on the original plot, no matter how weak it may have been, but I'll do my best with it. Honestly, treasure map? What the hell am I supposed to do with a freaking treasure map?**

Artemis spun slowly in his desk chair to face Butler. His halo of raven hair, unusually wild at this time of night, was lit with an eerie blue corona by the computer screen, casting his face in shadow. Nonetheless, when he smiled, his eyes and teeth gleamed in the stark, cool light radiating from the other various workstations.

"I take it you've found it?" Butler asked, hardly surprised, if a bit creeped out by his employer. This was hardly an unusual state of affairs.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I have. Impressive coding that out dear friends at Fission Chips hid it in, too, but they should have known I'd find out about it. They'd even synced the C Cube to their network! Frankly I'm disappointed in myself for attempting to find it on the Internet. Our poor cube was just getting dusty, wasn't it?"

"Actually, no," Foaly whinnied through the Cube's tiny microfiber speakers. "Well… technically yes. But metaphorically no. For lack of a more appropriate adverb, I've been using the Cube for a myriad of tasks around here. You can never have too many aboveground servers. Also, you did, after all, sync the C Cube to your network…"

Artemis scowled in the half-light. "So _that's _how you've been spying on me. I was sure that my computer network was impenetrable, but I… _forgot _about the C Cube. Remind me to replace that fiber optic when I'm done with this thing."

"Good luck with that. Actually, while I was in here, I took the liberty of…"

"Forget it. You can keep it, I don't need it anymore."

"And why might that be? This is the most powerful computer in your lab, even if you did _forget_ about it, which I don't believe for an instant. The great Artemis Fowl does not "forget" things. No, you wanted _us _to forget it. Now why might that be?"

Artemis scowled again, not used to being beaten at his own game.

"Foaly, I had no plans for the Cube until very recently, and these plans are ones that I think you might approve of. Spiro's arrest may have… ah… _distracted_ Fission Chips a bit, but they elected a new CEO while I was on Hybras, didn't they? That new CEO has to prove himself, and as soon as he's got that company under control, he's going to pick up on the research Spiro left off with. Pearson had the Cube for days, remember?"

"I hope you're not going where I think you're going with this."

"Yes, unfortunately, I do believe that I am." Artemis turned back to his computer, facing the Cube so that Foaly could see his screen, and gesturing for Butler to approach as well. He typed the address of a major news site into the URL bar, and navigated deftly to the business section of the site. Foaly's gasp came through the speakers with remarkable sound quality. FISSION CHIPS TO CONTINUE REVOLUTIONARY ION RESEARCH, the headline stated smugly. Artemis scrolled down to the article below, reading relevant lines out loud.

"_'After years of chaos, Fission Chips prepares to open hoard of futuristic technology abandoned after Spiro scandal'…'Ion technology a very real possibility'… 'Treasure trove of technology to be returned from high-security hidey-hole.' _Hidey-hole? Really? Judicious word choice aside, however, we do have a serious problem. You said before, Foaly, I believe, that the Cube's makeup could send Fission Chips down some very interesting paths. I had thought we averted that when we reclaimed the Cube, but evidently we didn't give Dr. Pearson enough credit. Clearly, in the short time he had, he managed to duplicate some components of the Cube, and produce a considerable amount of documentation on that which he didn't duplicate."

"Ah. That _is_ a problem," Foaly said.

"Yes. This, however, is another disaster that I believe can be averted. Wherever this "hoard" is, we need to find it, and I've just found the treasure map, as it were. Or at least I had, until Foaly took over the Cube."

"No problem, everything's saved. Now let's take a look at our little quest before we call the Commander into this." A blue light on the surface of the Cube began to pulse, faster and brighter, then a matrix of blue lines spilled out, forming a shape that hovered in the air before them. Butler leaned forward to study it, and Artemis could almost see Foaly thousands of feet below, squinting at the document on his own screen. Butler gave a low whistle.

"Clearly, we didn't give Pearson the respect that he was due. He showed an excellent presence of mind in hiding everything when Spiro was arrested, more so in hiding it off-site so the police wouldn't find it on their evidence search."

"True," Artemis replied. "What a bonus he must have gotten from this new CEO. Unfortunately, our friend in the Fortune 500 isn't going to hesitate; he has to prove himself fast, and he knows it. According to the timetable, Pearson is traveling to Virginia to retrieve the Cube next week. That gives us… slightly less than a week."

Foaly considered for a moment. "From the look of the security measured detailed here, you're not going to be able to do this by yourself. I'll see how many fairies the Commander will give you."

There was a pause, then a Macintosh near Artemis hummed to life, Commander Trouble Kelp's puzzled visage glowing on it. Artemis scowled for the third time.

"You could have asked, you know. I was downloading the American CIA roster in that computer."

"Alrighty then. I need another computer. Which one should I use?" Artemis considered the question, glancing from one to the other. He stepped to a Powerbook next to Kelp's Mac and switched it on.

"Just a second," he called to Foaly, his body conveniently twisted in such a way that the centaur's view of the screen was blocked. His fingers clacked across the keyboard, then a computerized voice sang, "Thank you for referencing our database, Bishop-" The sound was muted. Artemis turned, without a hint of shame on his face. In fact, he looked smug. "This computer should be available."

Within seconds, Foaly's face flickered to life on the screen.

"Can I ask what's going on here?" Kelp asked. Artemis turned to his terminal.

"An impending breach, I believe. A company you may remember is preparing to open a hoard of stockpiled technology. Fairy technology. It's happening next week, and we need to get there before they do."

Kelp sighed, rolling his eyes. "Now I know how Root felt all the time. Of course this would happen. I assume you need fairy help? And I assume you'd prefer for that fairy to come in the form of the good Major Short?"

"That would be preferable, yes."

"I'll see what I can do. I decided to have mercy on her and give her a real deskhugger of an assistant. He's a good coordinator, and doesn't mind the paperwork side of the business, so I'm giving Holly a few field missions without getting too much heat from the Council."

Foaly snorted slightly. "Hmm, I wonder who that assistant might be?"

A scowl worthy of Artemis himself snuck onto Trouble's face, then melted just as fast. "Hey, it gets Holly, Grub, and the Council off my back in one fell swoop."

"Good point," Artemis conceded.

"Holly's in Haven right now," Kelp said, "But if I put her on the next hotshot she can be here in twelve hours, which I expect you to spend deciding how exactly you're going to get into this place, whatever 'this place' is. Foaly, give them whatever help you can."

"Will do."

"And somebody give me a call if this goes horribly, terribly wrong, okay? It shouldn't, of course. I mean really. It's just a heist. We've done this before, right?" His face was far too cheerful as he said it.

"There's something you aren't telling us," Artemis said. It was a statement, not a question.

"I… just take care of this, okay? I don't need to be worrying about Pearson, too."

"So you do have other thing that you're worried about."

The commander's screen went dead. Artemis turned to Foaly, who looked suddenly uncomfortable. "Foaly, what's going on?" Butler growled.

"Erm… well, a bit of an issue in Haven actually. We've got it under control, it's just got the Commander a bit stressed is all. Holly's going to be the only fairy we can spare, though, and even I might not be able to help you all the time."

Artemis considered for a moment.

"I guess that's good enough. Just let me know if anything goes 'horribly, terribly wrong' down there, okay?"

"I'll do my best."

**So, meh. Not quite as bad as the original at least, right? I may or may not continue it, I don't know. Anyway, sorry again for the original travesty, and please review!**


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